Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
