Your tits are I can't wait for
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think my mom watched the whole time
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Did I show you my penis last night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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