I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I believe in your delicious
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
