how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
