i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
