That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
