I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
