you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
