I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
