I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
