Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
