I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
