I heard we made out
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize