Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize