i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
