there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
