This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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