Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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