This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
