look no pants
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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