: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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