it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
