So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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