The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
