i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
