I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
