i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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