No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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