How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
