You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
