if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
