a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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