Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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