No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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