I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
