i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
