Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
