Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
