omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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