I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
