I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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