I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need a burrito and a hug.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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