WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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