My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
