Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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