Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
