My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just pee around me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
