Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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