you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
