Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't turn off my feet"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
