And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
