Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize