Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
