Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
