bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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