If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
