Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize