Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I AM VODKA MAN
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
