I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
