gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
