Your tits are I can't wait for
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
