he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
