Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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