I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
