I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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