It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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