is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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